Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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