Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
