I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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