I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
