New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
