bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
