so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
