that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
