watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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