Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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