yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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