She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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