you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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