im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
