My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
