"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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