he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
