Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
