Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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