Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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