I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
