I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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