the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
