Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
