Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
