I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
