Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
