Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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