Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
