just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
