i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
