In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
