That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
