I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
