Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
