God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
