I want to make a zoo with you.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
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