I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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