onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Randomize
