it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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