I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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