I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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