i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
