I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
