I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
