How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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