If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
