p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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