Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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