She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
