i'm lost and i look like a hooker
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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