susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
