i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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