you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
People in love make me want to vomit
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
