Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Pants are for mortals
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
