This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
