just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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