Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize