its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
