I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
