Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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