So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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