found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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