Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
