I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
