It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
