That's intense
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You're like the curious george of whores
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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