i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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