Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
