Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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