just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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